Alien: Covenant - What did I Just Watch?
I can’t explain the amount of perplexing and utter raw frustration I have with this movie that just compounds and grows upon every second of reflection and memory I have.
Never! I mean NEVER do I want to see a movie like this again! The sheer stupidity and prolonged suffering—I just—I can't, the best way to explain what I feel is this:
I don’t even know where to start with what is wrong, because frankly everything was terrible th plot, the dialogue, the acting, the characters, just everything.
I will share the only good scene of the movie. Mind you this scene is the most epic scene and was in the trailer just as a catfish. It served no purpose and really didn’t have to be in the movie, it could have just been explained ina sentence instead of a flashback. But is very telling when the best part of a movie is an unnecessary visualization of a flashback. It needed to be posted in 2 parts—SPOILERS*
Now that I covered the only good thing in the whole movie, let me go on my large rant that hopefully won’t be too insufferable for you, but let me promise you that it won’t be anything in comparison to if you watch this movie.
Here is the synopsis, SPOILERS AHEAD* - the story takes place about 10 years after Prometheus, with a whole new cast. This new group is a mixture of mismatched generally young hillbilly, incompetent, slovenly miscreants, who are on a colonization voyage to a far away planet that the movie starts off when they have 7 years left to go, so I have no idea how long they’ve been going for.
Oh—another thing is that there seems to be a David 2.0 and his name is Walter.
Anyways, they get hit with some sort of solar flare that damages the ship waking up and killing some people, so the crew are in the process of recovering when they receive transmission of a close-by planet that is readily inhabitable (even better than the one they were journeying to) and everyone is so happy.
So they get close by and instead of doing further diagnostic and studies of the terrain and more specific details of life on the earth or even send down probes and surveillance, they go blindly onto the surface and start trekking the land to the origin of the transmitter.
Long story short some people get infected by the alien virus from spores on the ground and aliens are popping out off the bat, everyones freaking out, the crew are then saved by David who brings them to a “safe” place and tells them the history of the planet and what happened to the previous civilization and what happened to Elizabeth Shaw from the Prometheus. The whole crew have faced deaths and tragedy so they are quick to trust David and wait for help from the mothership. During this time David attempts to bond with Walter and share his vision. Gay things happen and an alien gets in and starts killing off the members one by one until it is shown that David is trying to kill the team and breed different kinds of aliens by doing so and get to the mothership. So the main character finds out and a fight ensues with Walter and David and she is trying to escape to the just landed mothership along with a crewmember who was partially face grabbed. They make it and head to safety. Then the crewmember births an alien who starts killing on the main mothership and the crew fight and end up killing it. Then they go back to the original plan of the seven year journey to the planet they should have gone to, when right before going to sleep in her pod to keep her from aging she realizes that Walter is actually David - End of movie.
This is how I felt about the whole plot.
It was absolutely useless.
I hate so much that this movie actually shouldn’t have happened because when they saw the new planet, they just had to run a simple diagnostic—-which is protocol! to see if it was inhabitable at all. But no they had to have a movie so everything was thrown out the window
From the beginning this movie was hiding it’s sheer incompetence of protocol and regular common sense behind this lovely cast of highly intelligent, experienced, professional, and overall memorable cast crew members.
I can’t even tell you any of the cast, I do not remember a face or name—Can’t you tell? If I were an employer of a futuristic spacecraft and wanted the responsibility of a 2000 + people colony to rest in anyone’s hands it would be them. 100% No doubt whatsoever.
They were so bland and forgettable I had no emotional connection to any of them. The movie was so long yet nothing happened. I felt I had been sitting there for 10 min when it hit the hour mark because that is how much things had progressed.
The worst part had to be when they get on land, two of the men get infected by the alien virus. When one is rushed back for treatment, the one medic/engineer lady who stayed back, was solely responsible for killing the infected guy, the woman who came back with him, herself and blowing up the entire ship in the process of her frantic freak out tantrum. The lack of protocol and the unhinged overreaction from this woman was shocking and frankly I was dumbstruck. I mean surely whoever created this scene could see how stupid it was.
Then the other guy infected died and birthed a baby alien and then out of nowhere Mr. Hillbilly Scraggly Beard goes to his side and whispers while he is about to kiss him, “My love, My Angel.”
What the hell am I watching? This was so out of nowhere I was just shocked all I can do is watch the movie with horrified surprise. What kind of asinine crap is this writing?
And still the trash plot, trash dialogue, and trash movie continues to more and more problems and plot holes. And another gay scene with the robots bonding together. Oh how hard I cringed over their flute bits and completely unnecessary kiss scenes.
I can’t even say that this movie is a story of tragedy, that it is about a people searching for better and ending up dead. No, this movie was ill planned and executed. Nothing that happened had to happen, there were plot holes at every corner because that was the fuel for the story, it was so bad it made me wonder if it was intentional. That the movie wanted us to side with David who wants to destroy the human race, because they deserve to die for their stupidity and incompetence.
I din’t think there is any genius by the way.
This movie has got to be one of the worst I f=have ever seen, even worse than Twilight and Pride and Prejudice and Zombies. I give it a 0/10—-please do not watch it if you have any kind of self respect.
Adios and goodnight.
